I was not sure how to begin this article. I stared at the screen for awhile, and thought about how to introduce you to Pamela. I suppose I could
begin by letting you know she is the host of a sports talk radio show that is broadcast via the internet. She is an expert at fantasy sports, and
a huge fan of Derek Carr. She does a ton of work for charity, most recently putting together a bracket tournament for the @Dana_Farber
Foundation, where participants can buy to the tournament for $10. and be entered into a raffle, and proceeds benefit the charity. She's also a
person, and someone I am blessed to call my friend. I can text Pamela at 4 a.m. if I need to, and know that she'd pick up the phone just to
be there for me, if I needed to talk. Everyone should have a person like Pamela in their life, and I am truly thankful she is in mine.
Such a sweet person, and yet that didn't stop a predator from preying on her a few years ago. Perhaps that might be one of the reasons that
that allowed Pamela to become victim to such a monster.
This is Pamela's story about the night she was drugged and barely escaped being the victim of date rape:
Pamela was out with her family celebrating. When I asked her what her first recollection of the night she was drugged, was she said she
remembers it was her sister-in-law's birthday. She and her family and friends were at a Chinese restaurant and she went to the bar to
greet the bartender who happened to be her friend. She remembers her engaging at a table, and she at the bar talking to the bartender.
Pamela said that while at the bar, a man who was a complete stranger began a conversation with her about the basketball game that was
on the television. Being an avid sports fan, Pam was engaged in the game while her friend, who was bartending tended bar. Someone on
Celtics scored, and Pamela said, "Nice shot." Of course, Pam was speaking about the basket that the Celtics player had just scored but this
ended up being the perfect segue for the predator to begin his attack.
Pamela describes herself as a good person, who loves God, her family, and sports. She's truly a passionate person and so it was of no
surprise to me when she told me that her passion for sports, seems to be what ignited the conversation. The man responded to Pamela by
asking if he could buy her a shot. Pamela responded politely, "No thank you." The stranger proceeded to ask Pamela if she was a fan
of the Celtics. Pam said she wasn't but that she appreciated a good shot. This was what launched the conversation. Pamela said from
that point on the man seemed to be using the comment as an attempt to invite himself into her space, and buy her a shot. Pamela
remembers telling the man that she was not an avid drinker, and didn't do shots. He then proceeded to banter back and fourth and suggest
that she accept an "alcoholic beverage" as opposed to a shot.
I asked Pam, if she felt comfortable during the conversation. I was looking to see if Pam was aware that her intuition was telling her that she
might be in danger. Pam said she didn't recall that she was sensing danger, however, she would soon be faced with the horrific reality that
soon she would be victimized in a way, that sadly so many of us have come to experience. While Pam was looking at photos that her
friend, the man tending bar, was showing her, the predator was placing something in her drink. Luckily for Pam, her brother's friend noticed
she was grasping on the bar, and appeared faint, and went over to help her. The man disappeared. Pam woke up hours later in the hospital
and learned that she had tested positive for having Robyphol in her system.
Pam's experience was with a stranger but yet still it might fall into the category of 'date rape' in that date rape involves someone a victim
knows. Pam's limited time at the bar, allowed her to become acquainted with this man, and she developed a sense of comfort. She also
said she thinks because she was at a familiar place that is just two blocks from her home, she never suspected that any one would
drug her. Yet, who among us ever really thinks they will become victim to such a crime?
When Darren Sharper was arrested on two counts of rape last week, Pamela asked me if I could conduct a special report on the case,
inclusive of the summary of the circumstances, and also consider following the case from beginning to end. During the conversations
I had with Pam, in talking about vulnerable women, and even young men are to these types of crime, Pam found herself teling me
I asked Pam if she wouldn't mind if I would share with others, and perhaps this might be the launch I needed to finally embark on
my research for my dissertation in a serious matter. I've always been intrigued by our sixth sense and how we seem to ignore it. I asked Pam
whether she sensed danger at all, and she said it was not under the attacker called her, "Baby Doll" after she most likely ingested the drug.
Pam knows she was drugged because the hospital had done tests after she was admitted.
I want to take a closer look at the stats, and do the research and I might even consider doing my dissertation on something to do with
victimization and ignoring our intuition when we are heading toward danger.
Pam considers herself lucky to be alive. She was fortunate to have her family and friends close by when she was slipped a powerful
drug that left her unconscious. So many other victims don't. I asked Pam if, in looking back, there was anything she could have
done differently, at least did she think so, that might have caused her to be spared being drugged. She said that maybe had she told the
predator that she was with a group he might not have seen her as a lone woman at the bar.
I asked Pamela if she reported the crime, and like so many others, she was in shock and denial and found herself unable to file
a report. In retrospect, she thinks she didn't want to relive the event, and she just thinks she felt that reporting would not have done
much. She thinks now though, after seeing how the former reports might aid in the prosecution of Darren Sharper, that she should
have reported the crime, even just to help put police on alert and help other victims.
It's often hard to relive such traumatic events. Difficult to trust after something like that happens. Hard too not to blame yourself
for being so vulnerable. Some of us might wonder why a victim of 'date rape' ever allowed themselves to be so trusting to a person
who could do such horrible things. Pam's attacker didn't get to go through with his plans, because her family had an eye on her, but
had she been alone, the outcome might have been far worse. For Pam to face that she engaged in a conversation for sometime with
a man capable of drugging her and having her end up losing consciousness, is truly difficult. For her to come forward with her story
Many people think that rape victims did something to invite their attack. Some might question why Pam even talked to the predator
in the first place. Yet, one only need look into the eyes of Darren Sharper and ask yourself if you met him somewhere would you
suspect he was a predator? If he started to talk to you about the ballgame, would you just walk away? I'm not sure that Pamela did
anything to be blamed for. She engaged in a conversation and she was tricked by someone who sees human beings are prey.
After Pam shared her story during her radio show this past Monday, I began thinking that I would like to do something more to help to
share about victimization. I want to help others to know how to learn about how to protect themselves against predators who are out
there, and also dispel some of the myths about rape.
I want to explore what the media is teaching us about the glamorous life. More importantly though I want to be sure that adults of all ages
realize that they might be targeted, and perhaps share some tips on risk avoidance through the social media Twitter account @Rapeisnotsexy.
Pam is going to continue sharing about her story on her weekly sports talk show, that airs on Monday nights. She'll be talking about the
incident to bring attention to the matter, and to help others learn how they might be able to avoid being victimized.
I will be following the Darren Sharper case and who knows, and delving into the facts. There needs to be a unification where we work together
to help educate others about mutual respect at the core. It should not be just lip service. Power and control is not something that cannot
be sexy but it should be done in a setting that is truly consensual, because there is nothing more sexy than mutual respect.
In the wake of the rape allegations recently filed against the former NFL player Darren Sharper, I have created a campaign on Twitter that
will involve telling the world that #RapeisNotSexy and will be using the account @Rapeisnotsexy to follow the case against Mr. Sharper from
start to finish.